An Open Letter to the Wallet Thief

To Whoever Stole My Wallet,

If you thought I seemed like someone who would be too concentrated on her food to notice you stealing my wallet, it turns out you were right. We both know that now, because when I finished that big steamy bowl of pho and got up to leave from my solo lunch – well, that’s when I discovered that you’d taken my wallet.

While I can’t say that I’m pleased you stole my wallet right out of my purse, I do have to admit that I’m extremely impressed. You managed to thwart the following actions I’d taken to try and ensure nothing like this happened:

  • I made sure to zip my purse closed before I sat down;
  • I made sure to place my purse right next to me on the side of my chair;
  • I made sure the zipper faced inwards towards me and the table.

Despite this, you managed to sneak my wallet right out from next to me. So props to you on your sneakiness and stealth. I’ve been to countries where the pickpockets are much more notorious than in the Loop in downtown Chicago, where we crossed paths the other day. But never once, in those other countries, had I fallen victim to pickpocketing – so I like to think that I’m pretty careful.

You did indeed cause me a lot of trouble – I had to cancel my coffee and dinner plans for the rest of the day, instead rushing to cancel all of my cards (we were racing against each other, and I know this because I got texts about all the Ventra card purchases you tried to make with my cards). I also had to rush to the DMV before it closed at 5PM, because the next day was a federal holiday and I wouldn’t have another chance before the weekend.

But I have to thank you, Wallet Thief. On a stressful day, you forced me into a situation where I had to rely on the kindness of the amazing people I get to call my family and friends. True to their natures, they were 110% there for me. My mom rushed to leave early from her work, just so she could meet me at a farther train station to go straight to the DMV before it closed (we barely made it). A thoughtful friend was willingly late to her meeting, just to pass me $40 in cash when I’d asked to borrow $20, saying, “Just in case” (remember, you’d left me with nothing).

In taking my wallet, you took from me $140 in cash as well as whatever you managed to buy on my credit cards. I hope that money was useful to you, because I’m going to try and think of it as a donation to someone who apparently needed it. Even though you caused me some stress in my day, you also gave me a chance to be reminded of how lucky I am to have the people I have in my life. I hope that one day, that will be enough for you too.

-SL

P.S. I had the best DMV experience I’ve ever had that day, so thanks for also giving me a chance to see the DMV at its finest.

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